What Asthma Brings

It seems that a generic brand for Cefixime, Taxocef-O, a film coated tablet manufactured by an Indian pharmaceutical company, Plethico, is working. I was a little bit hesitant to buy Taxocef-O because it cost almost as half as Tergecef, a brand prescribed by my old, thin, chain smoker, and slouching doctor. And since it was cheaper and manufactured by an Indian company, it is stereotyped as fake and therefore infective. I hope its effectiveness comes from the fact that it contains just the right amount of medicinal elements in it, and not in excess. It's Bureau of Food and Drugs certified as safe, said the drugstore attendant.

I started taking Taxocef-O yesterday morning when cold was dripping from my nose. Right from the center of my temple down to the center of my face I was aching: symptom of sinusitis also, I guess.

Although I coughed because of the itchiness in my throat at the early part of my sleep, thankfully, I woke up when the sun had already risen.

Yesterday, since I could not move as much I do now, I tried to pay attention to what exactly was happening inside my body. I was surprised to realize that I could not concentrate because I was in a state of panic. For almost three decades, asthma would come in the form of sore throat and that unique head ache and sore throat. I could not stop it and it would cripple me to bed. I hated that, because of asthma, I inconvenienced my mother, but most especially, I hated the fact that it made me suffer the kind of suffering not enough to kill me.

Doubtless, asthma has influenced the way I look at the world and the way I look at myself in ways that I may never know. It has instilled in me this sense of helplessness and surrender when faced even only with the signs of asthma attack, and not even the attack itself. And it is when I feel invincible and strong that asthma attacks and wipes out my self-esteem.

For me, asthma is synonymous with loss. Yet, it must also because of this constant communion with loss I learned to gather myself and start all over again, again and again. Yet, I can only build as much because asthma returns to remind me of my mortality.

My cold now has turned into white, sticky phlegm. In three or four days, it will turn to yellow or golden brown. It blocks the left hole of my nose and I am forced to breathe only through the hole of my right.

Also, I am feeling this itchiness in my throat that makes me cough from time to time. I only realize now that this feeling of itchiness is maybe caused by my air tube that has started to swell. My breathing is restricted to about twenty-five percentage less than when I am not sick.

I avoid moving too much else I get nauseated. Maybe because I run out of breath.